Pool Lounger... oh, the life!

Aftershock...

There was an earthquake here today. Yep, here in Philly.

Well, it was actually in Virginia, but it reached all the way up the East Coast. It didn't even phase me at first-- honestly, I didn't even know what it was at first, because who expects to experience an earthquake in Philadelphia?! Honestly!

But then it sank in what had happened, and the television wouldn't work right away, so I can't see what's going on in the city, and the number at the daycare is busy, because the majority of the phones are working in the city-- too many calls at once or something (sound familiar?), and all I want to know is, IS MY BABY OKAY??? And this small voice in my head is saying, "yes, of course he's fine, it wasn't that bad", but every other ounce of me has to be absolutely sure.

And I am shaking... from my insides to my outsides, almost like I have been on a trampoline or a dock for hours, and I can't make the movement stop.

Finally I get through to the daycare (it's been 20 minutes of trying and trying), and the woman on the other end reassures me, "Yes. All of the children are just fine here, everything is okay".

I thank her.

I hang up.

And the tears fall from my eyes out of nowhere and I realize I must have been holding my breath because I breathe this deep, long breath, and the tears are still coming... he is okay, which means, I am okay.

Joshua Zion, my Heart.

Minutes & a Day

It's been more than a year since I last wrote. Kind of pathetic. I could prattle on about how it is because life is so busy, or I was at a loss for words and all that kind of thing. But I'd rather keep it real. While those things are both true-- life has been insanely busy, and sometimes words just wouldn't come-- I also just need to admit it... writing about what was going on in life would be admitting how hard this last year was. Being real? Outside of Joshua, and some other high-lights, when I look back at the 29th year of my life, the story will start something like this:

It was a really dark, hard and sad year. I experienced pain I thought I would never know first-hand, faced challenges I couldn't have anticipated, and struggled through this journey we call surviving (not life, because I was not living, I was surviving). And, I don't want to be over-dramatic. Like I mentioned above, there were some beautiful and amazing parts-- Joshua is a miracle and joy every single moment of every day! Every.Single.Day. And I have amazing, incredible friends and people who have loved me no matter what. And I had food to eat (even if it was just PB&J every day for a while), and a roof over my head (even if it didn't always feel like a home), and I had hope.

And you know the cliches-- "this too shall pass", "behind every gray cloud there's a silver lining", "fake it 'til you mean it", etc?? Well, they are mostly right. And how about this one: If the fire doesn't burn you, it will refine you. You will come out more shiny and pure than you were before you got into the heat. Of course it hurts like hell! It's fire, hello!! But, the end result is worth it.

So here I am, the big 3-0 and wondering, what have I learned? How will I be better?? What will I do that Joshua will be proud of?? Am I leaving people and places better off then they were before we crossed paths?? Because those are the goals.

Here's to hoping it won't be another year before I write on here, again. But, in case it is a year, just know, fire refines, you are so SOO Loved, and, "this too shall pass".

Bubba

Dear Bubba Thomas,

You have not even been here with us for 24 hours yet, and already you are so adored and loved that you may never be able to fully comprehend it! Your Mama has gone through hell (and back) to make sure that you get here safely, and to a home that is made of love, warmth, laughter, kindness and just plain old goodness.

I miss your Mama every day, EVERY day, Bubba. So, you give her tons of drool-filled, slobbery kisses for me, okay, and help her out whenever she needs. I know you are small, and have much to learn, but you also have a magical power... you can smile, and the universe is made right for us Mamas again. You fart, it's magical. You poo on the regular, magical. You discover things, like fingers and toes... you reach for us... MAGICAL! You squawk or squeal or make any kind of a noise... pure magic. Just opening your eyes, yes, that too my new lil friend, is magical.

For you, Bubba Thomas, I wish a life-time of laughter; of knowing you are always (ALWAYS) so sooo loved (even when you may feel all alone); of having the freedom and the courage to dream and to play... I wish for you a life-long amazing relationship with the most bad-ass, adorable, freaking rock-star-of-a-big sister you could ever ask for (that's right, Madi!) I wish that harm did not have to come your way, but since it's inevitable, that when it does knock on your door, that you know you never have to face anything alone, and that you are already so strong and so brave and so smart-- you made it here to us, after all! You can do anything, be anything!!

There is soo much to say! Your cousin, Bubba King, sends you slobbery kisses and delighted laughter, knowing that he has another addition to his family. We love you! We can't wait to meet you and Miss Madi in person, to hug and play and eat amazing food together!! You boys are going to love the trampoline... trust me. ;)

With Love,

Auntie k

9 months already?!!

Yesterday, my bebe turned 9 months old!

I can't believe it has been 9 months already...

can't believe how much he learns every single day... (like how to use the remote!)

can't believe how much he has changed my universe (ALL for the better)...

can't believe just how much 1 Momma can LOVE her lil one (you can hear about it, you can receive it from your own Momma, but once You are the Momma loving her own child, you won't fully grasp what it means).

I can't get over how each smile, laugh and giggle melt my heart. (even when its source is gas)

I can't get over how much I want to protect him from any hurts. ever. (even if I know hurts and trials make us grow... can I do it for him??)

can't imagine me without him... this was meant to be.

can't believe 9 months ago he was literally my 'tiny peanut' and now he's my 'lil big man'... (5.4 lbs to 23+ lbs in 9 months!)

can't imagine how I could possibly be any more proud of him, but it happens, each and every day.

I am grateful from the inner most of my being to the ends of my hair, and tips of my toes. Let me never take 1 second of this gift for granted!!

Dear Hilary & JoAnne,

We have known each other for years, and 'seen' each other through many, many times. And even now, with 3,000 miles separating us, we can see each others' lives and more adventures, via this wonderful tool known as 'Blogger'.

So, I vow, here and now, to write in here at least once every 3 or 4 months (ha, ha!) and to try not to be too long winded, or too vague. ;)

With Love, and gratitude,

kirsten